kurwa mac!

Starstruck!

2012-02-13T00:30:00.000+08:00

Today, a friend got engaged. Whenever I go to such events, my insides become a warzone. Those closest to me would know that I have no intention of getting hitched nor have I ever thought about it. With all due respect to those who are engaged & about to, I see no point of wasting time, money & effort when you should just dived into the real deal. Why wait 2 years to either find out you really want to spend your life with that significant other or that you wouldn’t when courtship itself led to this? I don’t get it. So you say it is tradition. People say “to save up properly”. Jealous men or women say “so that you’re officially taken”.

But let’s ignore that.

My point is, I actually haven’t been really honest. My insides become a warzone because I was too scared to face it. Whenever he talked about it, I wanted so much to embrace but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t mouth those words. I could, however, dismissed with such ease. It takes the life out of me to even think about it. When I say “think”, I mean everything from a-z.

And a few months before it happened, I thought about it. I never told anyone. In fact, I was still adamant about living on my own. I was scared to confront my thoughts so I’d sleep on it. How sure you will love and be loved by your significant other, for a lifetime (assuming that you actually DO want to spend the rest of life with them)? I can’t recall when it hit me but I remembered how it felt.

How it felt to confront my thoughts. It was fucking fucking fucking scary. It was scary but I was surer than ever.

Then it happened. I still have those thoughts but it is slowly fading away.

Because it has to.

Dry Eye

2012-02-02T23:42:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to feel. It has gotten from numb to sadness to anger to disbelief to sad again to numb again and....i don't know.

I don't know what to describe of my first proper relationship with a man. This man. I don't have an explanation, even. It wasn't all a bed of roses as much as i'd like it to be but I think that makes it more real than imagined. I wanted so much to spill. But knowing another person has walked into his life, it felt as if everything I believed in took a step back.

Everything. This marks the last entry of what could have been.

P.S Of all the things I said to you, you took that one phrase to heart. Stupid.

Get Real!

2012-01-30T04:25:00.003+08:00

I wish I mustered enough courage to stop fooling myself & being oblivious to whatever that is happening. You have yet to be completely honest but I know what's going on. I love her hair. I wish I had it but I've come to terms with my own inadequacies & yours. Now that is hard. How is it that, I could love someone who came close to nothing I've imagined? There you were, strands of curls reaching down the nape of your neck, goatee still there just like I remembered, tired eyes, belly of beer & carbs and clutching a beer can in hand. And then....just like I envisioned, you ran away with your 4S exchanging your life stories and sweet nothings to another person who has been missing you. You're so near yet so far, Luke.

I have missed you but all I can say now is, "I wish you best".

And that's the most dishonest thing I've ever said to you.

(If you're reading this, just know that my honest self can't be reflected anywhere else but here.)

Twentysixth.

2012-01-30T04:17:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday.
I love you, always.

Oh no.

2012-01-25T12:19:00.003+08:00

Just when I thought your absence during the past few days were manageable, the slew of updates are dramatic on its own. To the point where I feel like calling you up and to hear you say it. Say it.

Say it; It's the other girl.

There ain't no such thing called unconditional no more. I had alot to give, I gave & just like that, it was gone.

& that, that is life.

Maternal

2012-01-20T00:21:00.001+08:00

I secretly wish to be a mother. And an educator.

Someday, maybe.

Gifts.

2012-01-15T22:16:00.002+08:00

What a trip!

It made me realized that I should thank you; best gifts you have given

- Your family
- Your friends

Excuse me for free-loading but I can't be more happier than knowing them. And I hope this won't be temporary.

& sigh, every one thinks "deserve better" is probably some form of consolation. Well, it doesn't. I used to think that either one "deserves better" after the mess but it's more than that.

It's, more than that you fucker.

Mayan calendar what.

2012-01-01T19:02:00.004+08:00

It felt like just a month ago, we were all getting dressed to slut our asses off in Zouk KL. And already, 2012 has arrived almost unannounced. Like how a horny sixteen year old turn up and say "I'm pregnant with [insert lame western name here] child" and then her parents will sob for what seem to last for a lifetime.

Well, here I am. In my bed, trying to recall of how I've spent 2011. And good god, I've been nothing but a huge pile of mess. The job I grew to like died on me because I had dickheads for bosses, kept myself afloat with kids who had no choice but to attend tuition, spent 5 days in Indonesia which I have promised myself, as with others, that I have go back there again, juggled school (almost screwed it up cos honey, i can't adopt this whole two-jobs-full-time-school thing) and ended a relationship with someone I have a lot of respect for till today though I may act otherwise. Oh you know, the whole ego thing? I'm quite good at that. So sue me.

I am not good with resolutions. Why? Because I don't see the point. Self-betterment to start on the 1st of January? Really? Come on. It is just an excuse to get away with all the screw ups the past 365 days.

So anyway, wish me luck on my diving course. I can't think of anything better than being able to dive anytime anywhere I deem fit.

Later, alligator.

Twisted souls

2011-12-27T02:02:00.004+08:00

The weather has been almost perfect.

I was on 8tracks day and night.

Then I thought of you.
And then I thought of camping.
Followed by a swim then a quick roll of skunk to end the night.
Wait, a good roll in between the sheets to properly end the night.

And then.
And then, to wake up to your "face against the morning sun".

But.
But, when? And who are you?

The best.

2011-12-26T02:09:00.002+08:00

He was the best. I can't find a better word nor a substitute. But then came the dissappointment; that after all these years, he still make the wrong judgements. Two words; fucking bodoh.

Now, I'm not using bodoh with any references to intelligence.
Just that, I thought you knew me.

And I think that is the saddest thing about relationships with people. You can't guess correctly all the time of their opinion of you.

You, in particular, need to get real. And yes, you were the best.

WHAT?

2011-12-20T15:36:00.002+08:00

I better make it as a teacher. Don't ridicule my ambition, or rather, my state of being delusional but I really do want to educate.

Oh god, I better do it right.

Chasing the starlight

2011-12-13T18:45:00.002+08:00

I can't do it. Honest. Maybe you can, but I can't.

Most man can, most woman can too. But I can't.

Not because I refused to but I've tried my hardest and it was an epic fail.

You will leave because you felt like you've tried your hardest. So be it.

& by the time you read this, I hope I'll be making my way to India or anywhere but here.

This is not hard at all, nothing have changed. Only your absence.

I was prepared.

Strangers

2011-12-09T11:48:00.004+08:00

This is awkward and disturbing. I am trying hard not to sound like a pompous self-absorbed bitch but I honestly don't appreciate the I-meet-you-with-mutual-friends-can-I-get-to-know-you moments.

I don't. I am conservative in that sense. Roll your eyes now, if you must. There's a fine line between friendliness and taking a chance on that without even holding one damn proper conversation.

Exchanging the usual informal greeting is not friendship. It's courtesy. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but people should really try to hold a conversation and move on from there.

Not like this.

I.

2011-12-07T21:41:00.002+08:00

I can fool myself, I know it and I will.

Fluid

2011-12-05T16:32:00.002+08:00

I've got the camera,
I've got the globe,

I am missing something,
Fuck yeah, I do.

What is?
What is?

A dive, that is
A dive, that is!

Filth at Filter

2011-12-04T12:05:00.002+08:00

Filter: It is disgusting. Sure, you can find one of the most well-dressed men and women there but goodness, they need to get choke with chill pills.

Twenty-twelve: I need to be highly selective for 2012. Too many concerts to go to, school (never ending twist with this one) and I hope to squeeze in about a month of China or anywhere cheap in June. And, remember you.

-

Told you so.

2011-11-21T15:55:00.005+08:00

There's different kinds of love, darling. Some people you love no matter what, and others you love if the situation is right. To me, the best kind of love is the "no matter what" kind. - Helen Holt in Inventing the Abbotts (1997)

Maybe that's how I love you. No matter what.

(Excuse me while I sort out my wrecked emotions)

The only reason why some last. The only reason too, why some fail.

Stalking.

2011-11-21T15:06:00.004+08:00

Goodness, what have I become?

You are insanely talented. Insanely, I repeat. Your partner is somewhat gorgeous though some may disagree. Your travel photos make me sink deeper. The concerts! My god, the concerts you go to! Mindfucking awesome. Did I mention you take awesome photos too? Le sigh. I just used "awesome" twice in a paragraph. That pretty much sums you up.

It's ironic how much I complain about differences and yet love them still. It's really unavoidable. I get bored easily lah, that's why.

Musings.

2011-11-18T00:32:00.003+08:00

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. - F. SCOTT FITZGERALD

SHITFUCK,IMMABETWENTYFOURSOON.

My Name is Luka...I

2011-11-17T13:21:00.002+08:00

Suzanne Vega is coming. What is this? Why now? Seriously.

I wonder why I'm a business student when my finances are completely wrecked. I am young, reckless and emotional. But I thank my love for food.

Nothing come close to that. Okay, Pumpkin does.

Sidetracking, today's Straits Times headline: More First-time HDB Buyers Getting Flats

I honestly can't wait for the day I get my house keys. I've got truckloads to put up. The kitchen is waiting for me. And I think, i'll have a room to do some painting and put up photos.

Omg, I sound like I am 40.

Day Three.ZOMG

2011-11-13T15:55:00.000+08:00

ZOMG, THIS IS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.
:(

Platform B.

2011-11-12T17:23:00.003+08:00

Numbed. Maybe it hasn't truly hit me yet.

The tough got us going, indeed. We could have sat down and sort things out but the easiest way gotta be to give it up altogether. Priorites changed with time, yes?

Speaking of which, a friend asked for some sound advice on her partner's philandering ways. I felt like telling her how wrong it was to ask me for such things.

There's no advice for unfaithfulness. You kick the bucket, that is.

On an unrelated note, I hope you'll find your answer.

Really.

You'll disappear one day.

2011-11-06T21:26:00.001+08:00

Discomfort

2011-07-24T15:40:00.001+08:00

Those words were reprehensible at best.

Changes

2011-05-10T00:27:00.002+08:00

I must say, this is the hardest time.

one of those late nights

2010-10-26T00:34:00.002+08:00

So go away. Go farther, go.
I didn't come back just to know there were things you preferred to do alone besides wanking, football and drinking. It annoys the shit out of me.

now it's not even about having the patience to wait. It's about where you want this to go. Either with or w/o you.

I am totally fine with both, as always.

pfffttt.

2010-09-24T01:48:00.000+08:00

FUCK YOU.

better weeks ahead!

2010-06-19T15:06:00.002+08:00

GLEE IT IS!

I am so tired from work and also because i have been out since the past couple of weeks. And suddenly, it feels good to be at home on a Saturday watching episodes of Glee, Friends, Scrubs, Gossip Girl and not to forget, Korean dramas!

The upcoming weeks is going to be difficult. I hope i don't screw up. And then, it's Vietnam!I want to buy tickets to YOG! And yes, about time i start saving for real. School is going to burnt a big hole in my pocket. Gah.

Wait, it's the World Cup fever now. I am betting my hopes (not cash cos im too broke) on Italy, Portugal and South Korea!!

Speaking of Italy, my boss just reminded me to take up Italian. And as usual, i laughed if off. But she added, "I am not kidding". Oh dear. Sara taught me abit yesternight and it's quite difficult. I can now speak one sentence only. And plenty of vulgarities. Haha.

Back to Glee. It's a kickass series!

one of those days

2010-06-13T17:03:00.001+08:00

sigh.

completely bowled over

2010-06-04T01:28:00.004+08:00

I was completely bowled over. COMPLETELY. He sangs all of the songs with such intensity and passion (at one point, we found it amusing!)and so fucking beautifully. I cannot say this enough. I teared during some of his songs because they were just so beautiful. Sigh, can a man sang it any better? I reckon not.

Sure, it was mostly about romance but beyond those lyrics, his voice! His voice, damn it. But was made this epic was the fact that there were plenty of numbers everyone could jiggle their butts to. So yes, a good mix i'd say. Though, i'm pretty upsset he didn't sang That's Amore. :(

Hi, Patrizio Buanne. You kissed my hands.
Let's pretend i never wash them. Haha.

Number One

2010-05-25T20:03:00.001+08:00

i'm your biggest fan.

Birthdays

2010-05-23T20:57:00.005+08:00

It was Emmanuela's 27th yesterday. This woman, who is insanely attractive celebrated hers with Brazilian meat, (which i dreadfully, didn't had a chance to taste) marinated chicken wings, some thingamgic mixers and really nice, simple pastas(giacomo is a good cook!). On top of that, there were grilled peppers, pork ribs (haha, yum. kidding!)and tonnes of chips/beer!

as usual, ali (i think she knows all of them already! haha) snaps away and i'll do talking/eating/talking/eating/eating. Then it strucks me that i should get a dslr. Sounds typical? Annoyingly typical? yes, it is. But it makes a good conversation starter. For someone who loves photography and bla bla bla, i am ashamed to say i do not even own a good compact one. The twos i've got are disastrous. The 550D, damn it. why? because, 'might as well'.

Enough digressing. Well, gotta leave earlier for Nasir's advance birthday celebration (his falls on 24th May). Obviously i was pretty upset having to leave early( left at the part when they were grilling the meat!!) and saying goodbyes to the people i've just met (omg, Korean woman who speaks fluent Italian, i was blown away by you. heh) but the other party was just as swell!

Lynd brought so much food and as usual, i ate throughout the night. Something is wrong with me, balls. I forgot what we actually talked about with the rest till 3am but it was really nice! Damn, i should suggest a picnic soon, lie down and talk cock. Well, we left marina barrage all sticky but nonetheless, it was a party where i finally met people i've not seen since months ago. Sigh, i miss it already.

To Hansli, nice seeing you after so long. BUT, you are a still whale! Blame Imran! ;) Go on proper dates, please? HAHA.

bring it on!

2010-05-19T10:58:00.002+08:00

SO MUCH WORK TO DO. SO SO MUCH. -.-

damn, i need a waterproof camera! LIKE NOW. :(

ohmygoddd

2010-05-16T17:51:00.005+08:00

Can't believe i am alone, in this office, on a fucking SUNDAY. The irony is, i quite like the silence with the exception of some songs blasting from my phone.

The sunset looks amazing or maybe because i get to observe it better since i am alone. Otherwise, i tend to ignore the beauty of it on days when i can't wait to get my ass out of here.

It has been close to 5 hours since i've arrived and i am almost done. I think i do my work better with nobody around! Should tell this to my boss! Maybe she should let me work on weekends and 3 weekdays. Hah, fat hope please.

Okay, i'm hungry as hell.
And you know what sucks, the air-con is off. -.-

A lost cause

2010-05-15T16:37:00.002+08:00

“We didn’t talk about anything heavy or light. We were just there, together. And that was enough.”
— The Perks of Being a Wallflower

sometimes, in the midst of having way too much fun, i'll wonder about how something is missing. I shouldn't be. But it came, subconciously. I couldn't help it.

much love, friends.

2010-05-15T16:13:00.002+08:00

I'm dripping with anticipation. No kidding! It's school, work and the amazing foreign friends. I hate to call them 'foreign' but there's no other way to term it. They are fucking fucking amazing! I used to feel out of place but we're all pretty close now. I don't understand them all the time (bloody language barrier) but we always have good fun.

And thank god, they love arab street! Speaking of which, i want to live there! Was on the phone with ali earlier and we gushed (we're fucking delusional, who cares?) about opening a bookstore (ah, children's books!, travel books!) with hanging moroccan lamps and plush beanbags with a small movie screening area. Next to our bookstore, we'll serve awesome kickass food (middle eastern/italian and indian) and of course, sheesha!

When i'm older, i hope to either own a nice cozy place (afromentioned) or be a teacher. Sigh, dreams.

ohmygod, Gabriele has the 550D. Pictures looked amazing, i swear. Will ask him to bring me and the rest to Jakarta!!!

JADED DAYS, AGAIN!

2010-05-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make - The Beatles

IN MY FACE. -.-

Keep Calm And Carry On

2010-05-03T23:31:00.004+08:00

I'm still sore i didn't catch Stereophonics. I listened to them every day on the way to work and back home or just about anywhere. I tell myself, KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. FUCKING HELL, IT DOESN'T WORK!

Now, Jason Mraz. Please come here again. And Kings of Leon, when the hell are you guys coming. I'm sick to death listening to Use Somebody every day.

Okay stop it. Financial status looks a little too bleak. Gah!

Happy Birthday, my loyal fan.

2010-05-02T00:26:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER!
i'm officially broke, spank you. Like, what's new?

so anyway, i hope she likes them. It's quite hard to please her but really, i've cracked my brains for this one. :) We love you, loads. Really do.

ohmygod, i need to elaborate on that part. Damn, i suck at this. 'I love you' on the card should be enough, no? I don't want to sob like a pussy whilst writing a love note to my mum. Will google for quotes later. Lol.

On an unrelated note, i can't help sighing everytime a long haired girl passby. The obsession is indescribable. I never cared so much about my hair but i have to, now that i've got way lesser than ever. I remember complaining about my hair when i was in primary school because it was so thick that it took forever to get dry. Sigh, discontentment.

I WANT LONGER HAIR. !!!!

Okay, i can't stop thinking about the dress and that aqua colored converse sneakers. How now, brown cow? :(

MIGHTY PEACHES, POWER PEACHES.

2010-04-29T11:24:00.003+08:00

PEACHES,PEACHES,PEACHES!!!! One of those who actually responded to 'Encore,Encore,Encore'. She was fucking cool. I've molested her. Her butt, tighs, hands were soft to touch. Haha. What? She threw herself at us! Literally did.

TGIF!

2010-04-23T11:44:00.002+08:00

OHMYGOD, IT'S FRIDAY. I'M SO FUCKING SWAMPED. TOO MANY EVENTS BACK TO BACK AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS -:

a) "let off some steam" at Arab Street. Okay, macam paham.
b) snorkel in Rawa right now. One month to go please. Holy cow.
c) cook/bake something other than my usual Aglio Olio. You have no idea how many times a year i cook this. It's the only thing i can do pretty well (on my own assumption, of course AND w/o the need of a recipe book) besides the usual add on of egg/fishball whatever to the steaming maggie mee.
d) make a card. It's been quite some time since i did this. Creative juices spiralling out of control now and my hands has got better use than be just typing on the fucking keyboard 24/7.
e) read a book, damn it.
d) have a picnic/cooking session (again! yeay) with friends instead of the usual meet-up-to-club outings.
f) run. Oh no, don't get me wrong. I'm no fan of exercising and whatnots but somehow running makes me feel better. Besides, i don't and can't diet for shit so the only way to burn them is to run. FML, spank you.

alright, that's about it. More to come when i've got more time and money in my hands.

In between worrying about school

2010-04-19T23:30:00.004+08:00

My cat is such a pig and a scaredy one at that! She runs around the hs, jumping at anything that moves before settling down somewhere to sleep. And I wake up at around 6am every day to her constant purring because well, it's her breakfast time. Then 15 mins after gobbling every single damn thing, she'll find her way to my bed and sleep for another hour or two.

And oh, i still refer Pumpkin as a he sometimes because she suffers from ADHD. Kidding. But really, she behaves like a male cat! Anyway, i can't believe i'm posting an entry on her. Disturbing. Sigh, i think the unconditional love for Pumpkin is getting abit too intense. I hope you never leave. :( I am always scared to come home without you in sight because it has happened once when i was 16 and i was so distraught i refused to talk to my mother. She was the cause of it!

Okay, moving on... I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT FOR VIETNAM. I even bought a travel guide on it partly because i want it to serve as a reminder of the places i've been to and of course, to account for my unwavering enthusiasm. I wanted to include mountain-climbing in our itinerary but time is an issue since it takes a minimum of 3 days to climb back and forth. Sad much, spank you. Howells, can't wait for what Sapa has to offer (it snows once every few years!) and Halong Bay. OHMYGOD, HALONG BAY. Then there's the sand dunes (i can pretend it's Sahara Desert) at Mui Ne, the beach (looks like Karon in Phuket) at Nha Trang and floating market at Mekong Delta. And how can i miss out on the war relics, historical monuments which will be plentiful.

I definitely would want to visit places like Australia, UK, US and those typical destinations but i hope to do so when i am older. When i have seen enough of South-East Asia, save enough to spend comfortably on a holiday and not come back poorer as expected. Plus, i need to save up for school. Education is a lucrative business but fuck, it's all on us. Fuck private education. This is what happen when you don't study. You pay more. Without digressing too much, I want to visit the following by 25:

- Manila/El Nido/Cebu - Philippines
- Jakarta/Yogyakarta/Bandung/Gili Trawangan - Indonesia
- Phnom Penh/Siem Reap - Cambodia
- Krabi(i don't mind coming here every year!)/Diving in Similan Islands/Ko Samui/ Ko Phangan/Bangkok/ - Thailand
- Tioman (my first beach island and the best for snorkelling!)/Rawa/ Cherating/ Pangkor/ Sarawak - Malaysia
- Laos (i've no idea which regions)
- Yangon - Myanmar (haha, don't think it's even possible to try other region

Okay, i've 3 years to go. Vietnam, here i come! Wow, forgive me if i am being too ambitious. Can't help it.

paper chasers and the rat race

2010-04-18T22:46:00.003+08:00

Why didn't i study harder in poly? And get into a fucking local uni where i don't have to worry incessantly about paying the fees. Complete the degree and earn a comfortable income, bring my mother on a holiday she deserves? WHY?!!!!!!!!

On a related note, while i agree your other half, in particular men, should be more qualified in every possible way, i am not sure of forcing of them to go further if they can't. I mean yeah, education is important blah blah but if they're not in the least motivated then i supposed you should be game enough to accept him or walk away. Simple.

Some men are not motivated at all. Distasteful, perhaps. :(

"Never marry down" - someone said.

Honesty

2010-04-14T00:43:00.001+08:00

"You keep telling me to be glad for what we had while we had it. That the brightest flame burns quickest. Which means you saw us as a candle. And I saw us as the sun."

It took the death of hope to let you go.
This is my best at being honest.

waves came crashing

2010-04-12T09:45:00.002+08:00

i am so tired.

So anyway, KL went pretty well except that we wasted alot of time finding places and Malaysians for some reason, refused to be helpful. I got people staring whenever i walked beside Gabriele and fuck, that sucks. Bloody hell, he owes me a ticket to Italy! He's so frustrated with his TOEFL and who knows, i might have to accompany him again. Oh, and i finally got onto the Twin Tower Skybridge. Yeah balls, countless of times to KL and it was my first on it. Erm, not too impressed. I prefer the view from the KL Tower.

Sometimes, i wish i was travelling with someone i erm you know, like? Haha, how do i put it? I suppose the experience could be somewhat different? Sigh, where's my travel partner? :(

Sid and Nancy

2010-04-08T23:47:00.003+08:00

"Never trust a junkie" - Nancy Strugen in Sid and Nancy

i've never fancied british punk rock or anything associated with it. I have no reason to dislike it either. I watched this film sometime back and could hardly remember what really happened because there were too much going on. The drugs, music, leather, studs, lipstick, flesh on flesh were pretty intense.

Watching it again was kind of different though. I found myself laughing at how Sid and Nancy communicate with each other. So fucking funny, i swear. Well, obviously not in a harmless funny way. But still. Anyway, Nancy. You're too needy! Why? And Sid, you're one sexy beast please.

google my life away!

2010-04-08T18:59:00.003+08:00

Today, i googled
- "How to push for reply in tactful manner".
- "How to draft a press release+format"
- "How to draft a media invite+interesting"
- "APAC"
- "Wines from Italy+generic description"
- "Home remedies for thinning hair"
- "Directory Rates+Advertisement"
- "Flyers+Photoshop"

omg, i feel really stupid right now.

Cognitive

2010-04-06T23:53:00.004+08:00

I AM IN DEEP SHIT. Everyday on the train or anywhere else where i am alone and have nothing to do, i make mental notes of everything to keep track of. I have not succeed in finding the best possible way and in this regard, i am quite positive things will go downhill from here.

Earlier on, i was brutally reminded to think like a Chinese. I agree they handle money with care. I have till July to take a back seat and assume all good things will take place.

On an unrelated note, i am starting to hate the work i've got to do. Fuck, why do i have to prepare a fucking budget? And worse, take care of a fucking wine course. A WINE COURSE. REPEAT AFTER ME: WINE COURSE. The only thing i know about wine is that it comes in either red or white and that it stinks.

Heck, i can even call myself a writer (an underqualified one at that) now since i have to do profiling and write in all the pages in my fucking newsletter.

Sigh, i should have studied harder and paid more attention in school. Too late for regrets. Lucky there's Google.

And you know what's worse, the song 'If I Let You Go' is stuck in my head! No, i have no reason whatsoever as to why i keep humming it. It just came to me.

sofuckingweird

2010-04-04T20:32:00.003+08:00

Something is wrong. I think i secretly want a child. Oh dear. And i like looking at prams and children shoes. Oh dearr. Also, i like a man who pushes a pram. Oh dearrr.

And i honestly find engagement business a waste of time and money. Diagree if you must. Can't we cut to the chase? I suppose it's tradition? But i like looking at brides. And fuck yeah, i do tear abit everytime i go to someone's wedding.

In 39455 seconds, all of the above will be deemed invalid. I'm fickle like that.

Question of the day

2010-04-03T04:08:00.002+08:00

Where do you see yourself in five years time?

- Degree
- Overseas
- Travelling
- Awesome partner, perhaps?

yourself? Forgive me if my vision seems unrealistic. It's all i want to accomplish.

the world at large

2010-04-02T14:51:00.002+08:00

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

omg, i can listen to this over and over again.

free spirited

2010-04-02T14:04:00.004+08:00

err, moved!?

i think the livejournal needs an update. stupid blogger layout!

mild obsession

2010-03-31T10:41:00.004+08:00

First came the lightly oven tasted sliced baguettes accompanied with a slab of butter. Unsalted butter. Obviously, this was a good start considering the Dinner Set costs quite something. Then came the flask of chilled plain water. Good, very good.
HAHA, by now we couldn't stop grinning. It was crazy enough for us to be dining there!

I'm going to cut this short. I quite like French. Maybe not as much as Italian, but close. Maybe because i found everything worth it. From the entrée right down to the dessert. Maybe because the staffs were really nice. :)

Anyway, someday i will go to Au Petit Salut.

karma, perhaps?

2010-03-30T10:11:00.004+08:00

JUST MY LUCK.

i dreamt of my previous Malay boss the other day. OF ALL PEOPLE. Sigh, he's too smart. And i still want to get on a vespa. If i ever muster enough courage to take up a bike license, i'm gonna get one! Then the glitter helmet. :) fuckman,nevergonnahappen.

oh dear, i have a problem. It's either them in school uniforms (horror) or men in their early thirties! WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

And i want to live in Gabriele's apartment. ;p

conquer

2010-03-29T23:46:00.003+08:00

I fear facing my boss every day since a month ago. Everytime she walks through the door with her usual morning greeting, my heart sinks deeper. Where do i start? During lunch? Erm, post meetings? How about just before we knock off? OHMYGOD, you have no idea how difficult this is!

I fear of not saving enough for the backpacking trip in July. I don't give shit anymore if it's just gonna be just two of us. We can be gay in that Chinese junk boat floating in the middle of Halong Bay. Who cares. We can be greedy having plates of seafood shared just among two of us. Who cares. But really, four would be perfect. So, it's set. North downwards throughout Vietnam keeping it to 11 days.

I fear of not knowing what to do if (God forbid) i can't get accepted. WOAH, i really have immense fear for this. FUCKIMSOSOSOSOSOSCARED.

what i meant

2010-03-29T00:32:00.002+08:00

'it's a sad thing when someone you know becomes someone you knew' - monchatsplash

if only you knew.

2010-03-28T23:47:00.003+08:00

I dont think it was easy. The hiding.

No, it hasn't been easy.

In fact, it gets harder. Ohfuckshit, time has to pass faster.

PASTA!

2010-03-22T20:15:00.002+08:00

Him: Who do you like better? That pasta you love to death or me?
Her: You, Chef
Him: Then do you like the cactus or me better?
Her: You, Chef
Him: Do you like cactus or pasta better?
Her: You, Chef!

damn, this Korean movie is one kind of awesome!

one way ticket to Hanoi in July! YEAH FUCKING YEAY. Then? Then it's back to mugging, i suppose :(

Howells, such is life.

school, way way back

2010-03-22T10:09:00.003+08:00

I miss mountain-climbing! :(

sigh, the joy of secondary school life.

AHEAD

2010-03-18T15:10:00.004+08:00

All i can think about is what's gonna happen in July. And another in December. Not good, not good at all.

Yester night was crazy. Too many hot and sleazy men/women. I don't know but i am really starting to get bored of clubbing. I have to prepare my lies, my lies and more lies. And manage only 2 hours of sleep. Holy shit.

I should start staying in more often. Heh, sorry mum.

Difference

2010-03-15T23:35:00.002+08:00

You are truly different. Change is unavoidable. :(

sun, sea delivered!

2010-03-07T23:31:00.003+08:00

Words and pictures do not do justice to how my holiday turned out. It was one of the best time spent with friends and jaysus, the place was beyond beautiful. People were nice most of the time that sometimes i forgot to be wary if they were up to something. I did stuff i shouldn't have but i am glad i did it anyway. Soi Bangla was such an eye opener. White men as predators were at best disgusting. The 'popping' girls made me felt uneasy as a woman but i couldn't stop staring at topless women in their thongs. They were exceptionally graceful and sensual, i swear. As you can tell, i have fallen in love with Thailand. Four days were too short but it was a fulfilling trip.

Goal: To visit Krabi or any other island in Thailand every year. This time, i'll take a week to do diving, parasailing,rock-climbing and the likes.

ohmygod, i really want to go back there again!
Hansli, if you're reading this, i hope you can make it for the trip next year sometime between Feb-March! Ask your friends along too, we need new travel partners else it'd be me and ali all the time! Haha. Besides, i need someone who can ride a bike. I wanted so much to rent it but couldn't. :(

OHYES, PARAMORE WAS BRILLIANT!

happy or just plain bitter?

2010-03-01T01:30:00.003+08:00

TWO MORE DAYS. :)

You should have come along. I should really shut up by now!

2nd Class

2010-02-26T00:18:00.003+08:00

THE SAIL IS ONE F****** AMAZING PLACE TO LIVE IN.

Overwhelmed.

2010-02-23T23:45:00.004+08:00

SO SO SO TIRED. I give you up! Heels will be the death of me. It's official, i cannot do networking. It's not for me, at all. I can't bring myself to make small talks with people up there. You know, those with designation which makes you feel small and unimportant.

However, i scored pretty well for today's event. There were younger crowds and you bet i kept saying "thank god, thank god" the whole damn time. We talked about Geylang, scuba-diving, banglas, cats and those kind of topics which aren't business-sy at all. I thanked my lucky stars.

And sometimes, i find whatever i'm doing kinda pretentious. Surrounded by foreigners from Italian to Bolivian, i can't help but sigh. I mean really, what the fuck i am doing with these people?! But at the end of the day, i realized that some of them are really nice people and it gets really interesting hearing their stories. I kinda like where i am now.

kinda.

HOPE

2010-02-21T21:35:00.005+08:00

Ohshitfuck. I am trying to make my wine brochure look good. I am trying to close all other windows with no relation to what i am doing. I am trying not to eat ayam masak cili padi. I am trying to ignore my brother. I am trying to get you out of my head.

But trying was never good enough. shitshitshit. I'll end tonight with I AM SAM.
Oh yes, i've been watching movies every other night. Feels good, really.

TUMBLR HERE.

I have a feeling my tumblr will last forever. I have nothing to write here & when i do, i'm deemed emotional. Hurhur. Tumblr translates things the easier way, i guess! Ceh ceh.

INEEDABAGPACKASAP.

what could be better?

2010-02-18T13:57:00.005+08:00

CAN'T WAIT.

INDOORS

2010-02-16T23:44:00.004+08:00

After tomorrow, i shall end work on time and go straight back home. Woah, the past few weeks has been quite a ride. I should stay in more often. My mum has been grumbling but she's better now. Definitely.

- go for a run
- bond with my brother whom i find getting increasingly annoying.
- bond with my cat which i've discovered unconditional love for.
- do the laundry and whatnots
- read!

Okay, the truth is that i am gonna be broke soon thus the agenda shown above. Besides, need to save for holiday. Someone go Gili with me? Or Boracay?

On a more serious note, i've no idea how to face my boss when she comes back. Shit.

You? you must have been abit drunk. I'll excuse you for that.

foreign treats

2010-02-16T00:52:00.004+08:00

I had the best home made bread earlier! Giacomo is sucha good cook. I must make a mental note to only be attracted towards men who can cook.

I thought the party was simple, comfortable and interesting. Not to discount the rest i've attended but this 'party' wasn't awkward or anything. Food was simple, tasted somewhat like heaven and they even played old school numbers. I was tempted to try the Camparinia (i'm sure this is the wrong spelling but i cant seem to google it) Ela made! Looks good. Like the virgin mojito i tried at La Bodega. Sigh.

The Chin-dian couple were the sweetest. & Brice, you must be German.

I know what i want for my 22nd. Okay, abit to early to announce but howells.

- A Recipe Book
- One-year subcription of Home Decor/Square Room/Wallpaper
- A bicycle
- Any one of Insight Guides (Lonely Planet are for those who are colour-blind and zero visual imagination)
- A good watch for everyday use. (I mentioned this before but i'd love either a Nixon/Frogman)
- Globe ( oh man, this would be really great)

Okay, that's it.
HAHA, abit too early eh Shahidah!

If you're a bird, i'm a bird

2010-02-15T00:21:00.004+08:00

Noah: I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

I was moved to death. The Notebook never fail me. Such a hopeless romantic please.

Valentine

2010-02-14T17:50:00.001+08:00

Happy Valentine's sweet sappy lovers. I spent mine at a Lunar gathering with people i didn't know, balding men in their suit with their immaculately dressed wifes and a few kids who could be, just like me. Lost. Nonetheless, i thought it was one opportunity i couldn't miss since the GOH was someone i seldom see around. I liked the place! Gorgeous entrance compared to other Chambers.

So that's it. I need to rediscover Holland V. Pretentious, pretentious. But really, i realized i do not know much about my country. With relation to that, i hope to catch Chingay this year. Chingay and National Day parade are two big events i've never been able to chop my ass for seats. Pfftttt. And i'm rather upset i cant catch Kumar. Kumar Night at Hard Rock pon jadi lah.

Need Converse sneakers in nude colourrrrrr and a bag pack. Hansli's got one for only 35 bucks or so! okay Peni, i'll see you soon.

Oh, i lied on the two years bit with ref. to our earlier conversation. Heh.

Okay people, stop making out. Or if you're having a row with your partner, leave him or her and go out with your best mates. You just need to be happy on Valentine.

My god, i feel really bitter today. Shoot me.

eve

2010-02-13T14:27:00.002+08:00

oh dear. I've got two kids at home and one accidentally ate the cat's food! OMG. Disgusting much.

back to work and getting excited for tomorrow. :)

seven days

2010-02-13T02:34:00.004+08:00

THE WEEK. THE WEEK WHICH HAVE LEFT ME TERRIBLY EXHAUSTED & IT'S NOT EVEN SATURDAY.

I am seeing too much of Clarke Quay lately! I even took the River Cruise. Yes, finally did. For 15 bucks, i swear i'd rather the apek throw a life jacket and i'll gladly swim in the river. The voice-over was worse than those you hear in tv commercials and th ride was so slow. The distance covered could be done under 15 minutes not 30 mins pls! But hey, lucky there were Japanese tourists on board. Tsk tsk, if only they knew.

& this Sunday, I'm in for a festive treat. Monday? MONDAY WILL BE AWESOME. KRABI/PHUKET in 3 weeks time! I cannot express enough of how excited i am. It's gonna be annoying but who cares.

Glastonbury Festival in June 2011? Wow, even better. For now, i'll settle for Asia. Cambodia in July, may be. August is out.

so anyway, i think a man who cooks is plain sexy. I've not met anyone who actually does that but my boss is one damn lucky woman.

OMG. I'LL BE TWENTY TWO IN 4 MONTHS TIME. HOLY SHIT.

A WHOLE LOAD OF FUCK.

2010-02-10T15:24:00.004+08:00

I DONT KNOW HOW LONG THIS IS GONNA GO ON, BUT IM SURE AS HELL WILL BE GLAD IF YOU FIND A SHELTER OF YOUR OWN.

& I WANT THE CAT. MORE THAN MARC JACOBS. YOU HEARD ME. THE CAT.

ALSO, I HAD A HEAVY LUNCH WHICH INCLUDES CLAM CHOWDER WITH A BREAD BY THE SIDE, A RATHER BIG PLATE OF GRILLED SEAFOOD, A SLICE OF PAPAYA AND FREE FLOW OF ICE WATER SQUEEZE WITH LEMON. WTF, YOU TELL ME. NOW I FEEL LIKE SLEEPING. BYE, BISTRO. WILL GO THERE ONLY WHEN I'VE RUN ENOUGH AND DECIDED TO BLOW 10 BUCKS. OTHERWISE, I'LL STICK TO MY 5 BUCKS PER DAY FOR LUNCH.

DID I MENTION ABOUT NIXON OR FROGMAN? YES, I WANT THAT TOO.
KRABI/PHUKET, BE NICE.

so much for love

2010-02-04T13:03:00.005+08:00

GLEN FREDLY
As a fan of yours, i am ashamed to say that i didn't know you were gonna perform on 6 Feb. And even though the tickets are still available, i will be abso-fucking-lutely broke if i do buy it. Please come again in December or something.

love,
Black

take heart

2010-02-03T16:32:00.001+08:00

Jake: I'm sorry.
Jane: How far back does that 'sorry' go?
Jake: How far back do you need it to go?
Jane: Wa-ay back.

Ain't no mountain high enough

2010-02-02T01:17:00.003+08:00

It's only Monday but i feel like i've worked through the week! And i feel like having Indian food.

This is so hard but i think we're good to go. OHMYGOD, a month more to Krabi/Phuket!

GAY

2010-01-30T02:11:00.004+08:00

TIMBRE can either make you fucking happy or sad. Today, i got a taste of the latter because of the queue and it was only 11 ish so people wouldn't really want to leave that early. ICE COLD BEER saved the day. That place is god sent. Sure i ordered coke (damn it) but the songs, the songs played were so right though i don't really fancy the crowd. Movie was somewhat disappointing but we managed to smuggle in pasta and soups in the theatre so i think i feel better eating while trying to figure out where the plot was taking us.

Oh, I think i went abit crazy on Wednesday! Tried on moroccan dishes which i do not have intense liking to and had manicure. God save me. I hate hate manicures. It's like sitting on the chair you see at Malay weddings and wished that time will past faster. Gave Supperclub a miss and head to ATTICA. I am getting sick of it. :)

Hansli turns twenty-four today!

heaven & hell

2010-01-28T15:22:00.006+08:00

Today is such a mess. The morning was disastrous. The cat couldn't shut up. The mother couldn't shut up either because of the cat. I couldn't resist telling both to shut up. I was late. I was late because well, it's a default thing. Took the taxi which costs me a week's worth of lunch and came to work with shitload of stuffs to do. Realized that my dress was too airy for comfort. I felt like someone could just shove their hands up my ass (not that i'd want anyone to do that, of course) and definitely felt sexually violated. And if you're my friend, you'd probably think i was exaggerating which is so so true because dress wasn't THAT short. Took a cab down to Vivo because i spent 5 mins at the bus stop which doesn't serve the fucking bus ! ARGH. & you know what's worse? taxi driver didn't believe i was local. She thought i was a Filipino. And oh, i left my ATM card at work. JESUS!!!!! Needed Vivo because i had to just buy a dress to change but well, heaven's not on my side. No stock. No stock. Salesgirls were retarded, i swear. One decided to finish her workload before attending to my request and another took forever to walk a metre. & okay, i found the camisole i needed BUT it was only after purchasing it did i notice the tag across the back! So now, i am a proud MANGO BASICWEAR AMBASSADOR! .

here i am, tired & angry but wait, i actually love my dress.
TGIF tomorrow !

Monday blues be gone

2010-01-26T10:32:00.003+08:00

i've never really sat down in the late afternoon at Boat Quay and it happened yesterday. Harry's Bar is not exactly wow-awesome, the lamb stew was passable, something i'm sure one of our mothers can cook but the breeze provided much relief. I think i prefer Boat Quay in the afternoon. It becomes quite intimidating at night.

Supperclub tomorrow? My god, someone has to remind me once again what im doing at clubs when i dont even drink. It doesn't bother me much but every one else is drinking and i am bobbing my head to whatever is spinning. But somehow, i'm always having fun. Yes, i am that kental.

anyway, i want to go either Cambodia/Vietnam/Bangkok/Phillipines/Calcutta sometime in August or even nearing the end of 2010. Or maybe, i could convince either Bird or Chin Fu to go HK or Beijing/Shanghai with me. I don't mind Bangkok in August or Ko Phangan in Dec but that'd be like thrice of Thailand!

shit, i've a session with Bird. This better be good.

FIFTH

2010-01-25T08:54:00.008+08:00

Wednesday is my favourite day of the week. I look forward to Wednesdays all the time and i still like Wednesday.

A particular Wednesday turned out to be quite bad in so many ways but i have learnt to accept it. It doesn't mean i've thrown everything out of the window. I don't intend to, anyway.

To you, the over-hyped honeymoon period was the best time i ever had with a man. (my god, i'm gonna start tearing. haha) I may have wanted that period to last forever but i am also thankful for the bickerings, arguments and more bickerings because i learnt to treasure you more as a person and not just as a partner. You've taught me alot on so many levels so i think you can flatter yourself on this! :) I love you (okay, you guys can laugh on this) the same or even much more because you've been such a big part of my life. We've hurt each other along the way but i hope you know that a relationship is not just about love. I can't live with just that. So yes, here's a toast to the end of our love/hate relationship.

I also want to say that i hope to see you in 2 years time. Yes, you heard me. I am not saying that i'm waiting or you shouldn't move on or whatsoever but i'm giving myself 2 years to get better. 2 years to be comfortable with someone else and if it doesn't happen, then to hell with men. HAHA, kidding. In the meantime, i sincerely hope you stay true to yourself, enjoy life to the point where you wake up having no idea what happened the day before and be happy.

I am glad i did this entry. It kind of makes me feel lighter and real. Yes, that's the word : real.

can't rock a bikini

2010-01-24T23:46:00.004+08:00

okay, i want to buy a mixer, red in colour. i've always wanted to try my hand at baking. bake cakes, bake muffins, bake every damn thing that can be baked! haha. so yeah, i want a mixer.

apart from that,i want to go on the jungle bungy jump thing in Phuket! argh, a month more to Krabi/Phuket. did i also mentioned i tried on plenty of beachwears? how now, brown cow? i cant rock a bikini let alone a pareo. speaking of which, ive figured out ways to wear the pareo hansli's mum bought for me. but my mum says my body ain't too good for that. bloody hell, always one to criticise how i look!

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

2010-01-24T00:06:00.002+08:00

it's not funny, at all.
i don't know why you find this amusing but fuck, it's not even funny.
sure, i am laughing at every damn thing because hey, i cant be pulling a long face all the fucking time.

i am angry, disappointed and just so fucking sad. okay, so there you have it. now stop asking how im taking this.

wow, i feel better.

le sigh

2010-01-21T17:45:00.004+08:00

-THE END-

thank you for all those good & bad times.
no thanks to such a timely exit, though.
howells, welcome to my club mate! we're back to where we really start.

xx

this may take longer, i am sure.

2010-01-11T00:02:00.003+08:00

fucking stupid, i was.
& still am!

you're a gem, period.

2009-12-26T15:43:00.002+08:00

The past months have been increasingly difficult. To you, i know i've not mention much about you in this space but rest asssured i never forget what we have.

Things are rather different now to the point where i know we'd probably never be the same again but it's worth the try. Most definitely. We've got plans, dreams, memories & to see it all gone would be a waste. I've waited this long so the least we could do ourselves is a favour to make this work.

back to basics, we go.

ROMAN WHO?

2009-09-29T00:01:00.003+08:00

so this seems retarded but i only knew one Roman Polanski. Roman Polanski as the director and well, that's about it. So when i saw the headline which basically says he was sorta a wanted person who got arrested (finally), i got really confused. Apparently, this guy had sex as a minor and has been a fugitive since! WTF. Why? Why have sex with a minor. You made good films i.e The Pianist so why??!

anyway, i just wanted to basically say that I WILL NOT BE BORED TO DEATH NO MORE.

adrena, if you happened to read this, please bring any Italian learning tools you could provide me with so i can learn some. The Italians at work are busy conversing in Italian which by the way, got me amused at some point & i dont wish to feel stupid not knowing a single word (except for si)

cheers!

someday is now, i'm talking about

2009-09-25T01:37:00.004+08:00

so far, good news are rather limited. Young, broke & quite clueless, I will be starting work on Monday. Be damn my one month hiatus. Also, i shall be walking in my comfortable kitten heels and will try to avoid accidents. I shall also await the arrival of the blazer i really really want for i've no patience in scouring for another.

Other than that, i still have an expanding waist & thinning hair. Yes, i could go on but i'll save some for later.

Now, I will watch a few more episodes of Queen Seon Duk & read a few pages of Lost Symbol.

Agasshii!

2009-09-03T17:50:00.001+08:00

Hello dearest Yoo Eun Hye, you never fail to be versatile.
some of your outfits are beyond ridiculous but oh, that Balmain-inspired blazer does it for you like no other.

AM TOTALY SMITTEN WITH HER.

This drama is definitely going to keep me happy during times when i feel like strangling Hansli. Haha

eleven going twelve

2009-09-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

"i don't think i'll buy anything. I'll save all my money and buy a car then give some to charity. My friends buy trading cards and i think it's useless."

I cannot wait for my brother to grow up. He's showing signs of maturity but i'll always have a problem with his studying mannerisms. Good luck for PSLE!

stored for too long!

2009-09-02T00:27:00.010+08:00

#1 HOME: Plumbing is so expensive. I might convince my brother to be a plumber but i think i'll fail cos he's bent on becoming a chef. Horror o' horror, he even reeled in excitement when my mom bought TEFAL. Btw, TEFAL is cool! Loving the red sensor thingy in the middle. & OHMYGOD, i'm now the biggest fan of ROBINSONS. They've got good sight on home furnishings plus it's reasonably priced. Forget about Courts or whatever. I don't get why people buy expensive leather obiang-looking sofas. Go explore!

#2 MOTHER: ON TWO WEEKS LEAVE. Thought i'd totally hate it cos i gotta wake up early to household chores & endless nagging but no, i love having her around! One of the funniest person i know. How do i live without you, mom?

#3 HANSLI: what can i say? Room for improvement, i suppose. HAHA. Okay, so he hasn't been around much (physically, i mean) & i obviously have been throwing my weight about but i'm amazed he could be so level-headed. Why am i so childish? I was supposed to be zen about this sort of thing.

#4 JOB: Oh dear, i couldn't bring myself to type this one out. Could not stay but leaving was so hard. & I should have told my ex-boss that i admire him so much, there were too many times i just couldn't speak out. Frighteningly intelligent & talented, he's a rare Malay breed. Plus, he's got sarcasm in control.

#5 CURRENT: Finishing the last bits of Inheriting Jack before trotting off to the Lib to settle fines (why, shahidah? why?) & finally get some books! Besides that, doodling in the notebook ex-boss gave with his personalised artistic take on me along with a sign-off that says "Keep up the positive attitude & bubbly personality". Thanks, if ony he knew how i really am in rage.

#6 - : can't find a sub-heading for this one but erm, i miss my friends. Where the fuck is everyone? Okay, cool. They have a job for a start. So anyway, when is the next meet up? Christmas? C'mon don't do this to me. Make it soon, honey bunnies.

Urgh, why did i say that? Honey Bunnies?!?

so sue me.

2009-08-18T23:49:00.000+08:00

a letter seems to be far more a ridiculous task than saving up for a holiday.

FB's monopoly.

2009-07-27T15:00:00.000+08:00

MY BROTHER HAS A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT?!?!?!

sadder than ever

2009-07-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

Didn't really watched much Malay films but i've always like all of Yasmin Ahmad's films. And now, i just learnt the news that she has passed away.
All of you should watch Gubra, the first of hers which i've seen thrice.

off the court!

2009-07-14T19:58:00.007+08:00

DO NOT BRING YOUR LITTLE POODLES OUT & ABOUT TO FLEA MARKETS. I REPEAT, DO NOT.

remember yesterday

2009-06-29T01:25:00.007+08:00

before turning 21,
i turned up looking huge in a chiffon studded top to a performace at Tepak Sireh with a stranger & a close friend whose new dye job was distracting. Donkey years ago, i probably didn't care about malay performing arts but yesterday's display was worth my 12 bucks. Pity about the lack of food, though. But hey, at least i was in good company :)

on turning 21,
Salam (stranger) wished me in advance by exchanging a couple of high fives before bidding goodbye. Elfi gave me the obligatory hug whilst mumbling 'Happy Birthday' without noticing it was a minute to 12. Hansli managed to be right on the dot though the tone could have been more chirpy.

21 as it is,
was refreshing, unassuming & pleasant. I'm not about to worry myself with responsibilities just because ' i turned 21'. I am aware of what they are. But to get them done? Now that's different matter altogether. I have too many flaws, too many wants/needs, too many excess baggage & too little time & money. It's about time equilibrium is achieved.

after everything,
i love you, hansli. Argh, that alone is giving me goosebumps but i'm not regretting.
Thank you for the dinner. Wait, thank you to your family for that & erm, the kachings. HAHA.

After today, my skin has grown an inch thicker.
Happy 21. Well, i'm indeed happy!

the other day

2009-06-29T00:56:00.003+08:00

the other day, i got mad.
the other day, i got so mad i told you to fuck off.
the other day, i got so mad i told you to fuck off but you didn't.
the other day, i got so mad i told you to fuck off but you didn't & i was somehow relieved.

so easy to be egoistic. just look at me.
sigh.

my mother

2009-06-20T21:03:00.002+08:00

“My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ” ~Graycie Harmon

my mom knows more about Lady Gaga than i do! i felt stupid.

LOL swine flu!

2009-05-30T10:23:00.000+08:00

awesome parody!

star king!

2009-05-19T01:26:00.001+08:00

omg, so so adorable!